Keeping the conversation about how important it is to have positive masculine and feminine roles in society open

 

On Friday, May 4 at the Whitecourt Seniors Circle, the Family Violence Initiative hosted a public screening of the documentary, The Mask You Live In. Part of the mandate for the initiative is to reduce the incidences of family violence. “One of the things that has been connected to domestic violence is unhealthy masculine views and gender stereotypes,” explained Lesley Lawton, Family Violence Liaison.

Though the statistics might be different as the documentary is based out of the United States, the information that it provides is important regardless of where you reside. “It talks about the stereotypical gender roles and toxic masculinity and what kind of affect it is having on our young boys that are growing up in our society, and why we should be taking a look at the messages that are being sent to them,” said Lawton. Messages such as hyper-masculine figures that men and boys try to emulate and be like whether from the sports world or entertainment industry.

Meaning to or not, many people have fallen into the same stereotypical roles with comments like: be a man, boys don’t cry, man up, only girls talk about their feelings, and you throw like a girl. Through different people’s experiences, the documentary questions the idea that having feelings or emotions is somehow only for girls. “Why do we think that boys have to play with boy toys or girls have to play with girl toys? Or, why is it that people must be a certain way to fit into those stereotypes and how is that going to impact our society in a negative way? The main thing is to bring awareness and spark conversation,” said Lawton.

Countless speakers shared their personal stories as the documentary rolled forward and one of the most powerful moments came from an unnamed man. “The way boys are brought up makes them hide all their natural, vulnerable, empathic feelings behind the mask of masculinity. When they are most in pain they can’t reach out and ask for help because they aren’t allowed to, or they won’t be a real boy. They are shamed into this and they are very ashamed to break out of it. So, they live behind an emotional mask that keeps boys from expressing their true feelings.”

Hiding feelings may have direct connection to depression rates. “Exactly at the age that we began to hear the emotional language disappear from boys, in the national data, that’s exactly the age that boys begin to have five times the rate of suicides than girls,” he said. In 2012, Stats Canada listed suicide as the ninth cause of death in the country. Males were three times more likely to die by suicide than females. The numbers between the two countries are close.

“It is ingrained in our society to say, ‘you sound like a girl’ or ‘you throw like a girl’ and there has been a lot of conversation about it so it’s important to keep that conversation going,” said Lawton. “There’s nothing wrong with masculinity and there’s nothing wrong with femininity but there is something wrong with unhealthy, toxic views where it becomes oppressive and that does need to be highlighted. We need to take care of our young boys’ mental health and their wellbeing,” she continued.

Following the documentary, Teagan Arnott, Mental Health Co-ordinator for Northern Gateway Public School, did a short presentation on behalf of People of Whitecourt Encouraging Resiliency (POWER). “It’s a group of community members and people who work within the service industry, and we all come together and try to create ways that we can promote developmental assets in our youth in town.”

They meet on the last Monday of every month at 10:30 a.m. at Percy Baxter School and Teagan says they would love to grow their member base. “We work so hard to promote the growth in youth and we think it’s super important.” They have three student members to represent Percy Baxter, Hilltop High School, and École St. Joseph School.

To speak with someone on this topic, contact the Family Violence Initiative through their website, www.whitecourtfvi.ca. To join POWER and help support the youth of Whitecourt, check out the Facebook page, “People of Whitecourt Encouraging Resiliency.”