Remembering Josh “Spilly” Spilman and shining a light on mental health

What would you do if someone told you he or she wanted to commit suicide? Following a tragic loss, the family of Josh Spilman is asking you to be the change in someone’s life. Often it can feel as though you are putting your nose into someone else’s business, but the alternative is far worse. “I would rather have someone be mad at me for doing something than to not do something and have them go through with it,” said Marianne Spilman, Josh’s mother.

On Monday, January 21, her world changed forever. That was the day her son committed suicide. Burying a child is something no parent should ever have to endure. She is now choosing to use her grief to reach others about how important mental health is and to help share the memory of her beloved son. Joshua Willis Spilman was born on July 27, 1984 in Fredericton, NB. He grew up in an area with a large population of seniors and from an early age recognized the value in helping others. He took joy in shoveling his neighbours’ driveways in the winter and cutting their grass in the spring. As he got older, his eager attitude benefitted his community. Upon moving to Whitecourt, he became a volunteer firefighter.

“Josh, known simply as Spilly, joined the fire department in April of 2006. He was a joy and a privilege to instruct. He was a very passionate firefighter who always gave 110 per cent. He challenged himself and others to be the best while having some fun at the same time. He was also a great friend who would help on any project and he was always going full throttle,” said Whitecourt Fire Chief Brian Wynn. One of the biggest projects he was part of was mounting the Helping Hand Statue located outside the department which was purchased in 2008 to celebrate the department’s 50^th anniversary.

“Josh will forever be remembered as part of this legacy project,” said Wynn. In both 2008 and 2010, Josh was voted by his peers to be Firefighter of the Year. “I am a better person because of Josh and so is the Whitecourt Fire Department,” Wynn added. He relished in making people laugh, bringing out a smile, giving someone a hand, and making sure that those around him, whether he knew them or not, received the help they needed. One story that his mom shared was of a chance encounter Josh had a couple months ago.

A man was travelling from Michigan to Alaska and was parked at NAPA waiting for the store to open because he needed a part. Though perfect strangers, Josh sparked up a conversation with him and stayed with him to help fix his truck in the parking lot. He then led the man to his parent’s house so he could fit him for tire chains since he knew he would need them on one part of the Alaska highway. “That was just Josh. That’s what he did,” smiled his mom. Even after leaving the fire department following health issues and wanting to put his family first, he never left the training behind.

“My husband Hal (Hal’s Contracting) thought he had indigestion while working on a roof with Josh who recognized that his dad was having a heart attack and got him to the hospital immediately. His dad ended up having to go to the city to get a stint put in. Had Josh not taken him to the hospital there would have been a very different outcome,” recalled his mom.

Roughly six years ago, on the night before Christmas, Josh answered a call from his sister, Melissa Hansen. “We thought we had the flu. I was sick, and my husband wasn’t feeling well and even the dog threw up. My husband became unresponsive and my kids were crying. When I stood up, I fell on the ground. I called my brother and he said he knew something was wrong because I was talking weird. He was here within three minutes. He broke down our door and said he could smell the carbon monoxide. He got us all out and called 911. He literally saved our lives,” she said.

Josh’s sisters, Melissa Hansen, Heidi Spilman, and Brittney Levy are now focused on keeping their brother’s legacy alive by stepping out of their comfort zones and being more like he was. “Josh spoke to everybody he came across and he gave what he could while asking for nothing in return. None of us knew he was sitting under the bridge talking to homeless people or helping others because he didn’t come home and say, guess what I did today? He just did it because he wanted to. He was so humble,” said Levy. “We want to try and reach into our community and continue the good that he did. We will never live up to him completely, but we are going to do our best,” added in Hansen.

The family wants people to continue spreading Josh’s love of community by doing random acts of kindness. “I’ve learned so much about my brother from hearing people talk about him at the funeral,” continued Hansen. “He’s always been very generous to us as a family and helping us in so many ways, but I didn’t know the extent of how he was helping others, too.” She said they have received similar stories from cashiers, drive-thru personnel, and countless community members. “He talked to everyone and made an impact.”

If Josh were still here, he would likely want people to talk about mental health in an open way and would want his story to be shared as another way to help others. “If it’s your son, your sibling, your friend, your co-worker, or your parent who needs help, overstep your boundaries if you have to and make the call,” said his mom.

“Don’t just assume it’s an empty threat. You don’t say the word suicide unless you’ve thought about it. When you’re stuck in a moment that seems unbearable it’s hard to see life beyond it. If we could had been there, in the moment, we could have helped him see beyond it. He wasn’t done living. I wish we could have helped him get through that moment. He loved his children and his family very much. Kayden, Kirsten, and Edric meant everything to him. He was a very proud dad and loyal husband,” said Hansen.

If you need to talk to someone, don’t wait. Call Canada’s Suicide Prevention Service toll free at 1-833-456-4566 any hour of the day. If someone you know is talking about suicide call 911. “My brother and I always cooked together, and he always wanted to know my secret ingredient for my chili, but I never told him. I want him to know that it was cumin,” smiled Levy. “We love you, Josh. Always.”