It is what it is…

By Marc Chayer

October 16, 2017!

Folks, the date above has been set for the Alberta municipal elections.

I am proud to announce that I am considering, maybe even thinking seriously, about throwing my hat into the ring possibly seeking a seat as a county councillor in Woodlands County!

Now, if that sounded a little wishy washy, that is only because I am practicing becoming a professional politician.

Firstly, I will seek the county seat, then I will seek the nomination as the candidate for the newly-formed UCP and I fully expect to be elected to the legislature in the next couple of years.

If you have been paying attention to some of the people being elected lately, I think I have as good a chance as anyone!

Regarding my highly considered, and very possible run into county politics, I feel I have as good a chance as anybody considering the type of people who have been elected recently.

Promise #1 – I will go after our NDP friends relentlessly until such a time as they lose the next provincial election and I get in. This promise I call the WIN/WIN… for me, mostly, if it goes to plan. (I told you I was practicing becoming a professional politician.)

Promise #2 – I will work with the rest of council to find ways to get Trudeau out of office in the next federal election. Not sure how this will take place but it may include sending a nasty e-mail every day to the prime minster’s office where I swear to you, I will call him a FINK!

Promise #3 – I will seek out friends in high places and will personally invite Prime Minister Zoolander to come to Whitecourt/Woodlands to explain his whole climate change plan. Trust me, folks, if he shows up, it will be worth the price of admission just to watch him try and sunny way his way out of town and you must admit, this promise alone makes me a good choice.

Promise #4 – I will get the rest of council together to lobby the CBC to have the popular TV series “Heartland” shot here in our county!

We can rename it “Oil Land”! Just think of the folks back east when they tune into watch great family entertainment and find that the beautiful ranch has been replaced by a bunch of rednecks working for a living in the oil patch all the while fighting government at every level committed to sending them to unemployment.

In one episode, our local heroes can be out working in the field when they get attacked by crazy caribou! When they try and fight back, Mounties drop out of the trees and arrest everyone in the name of saving the hapless animals from those evil workers.

Layoffs follow and the town faces hard times like we have never seen before!

This is wholesome family TV dripping with drama and intrigue and, of course, the eastern cousins will protest until they stroke about how the CBC has glamorized those evil oilfield people in the west. (Of course, doing so from a house heated with natural gas!)

If elected, I also promise to work with Jim Rennie if he does not seek the candidate nomination for the UCP! We do not want to start sending people with good ideas to Edmonton after the NDP fiasco. It would certainly disrupt the recent trend of the type of people getting elected lately.

Now, should he decide to go after the UCP nomination, I will publicly come out in support of him all the while planning to become the next mayor of Woodlands County! I mean, what is a professional politician without some backroom drama just to keep it interesting.

Finally, promise #5- I will work to lower taxes for all county residents especially for those who live near me and my property. I will lobby my fellow councillors to reduce taxes. I will be unyielding in this pursuit. Of course, as your elected official, when it becomes apparent that a tax reduction would mean a reduction in services, I will promptly blame my fellow councillors for their short-sightedness and maybe even go so far as to blame the previous council. It seems to have worked for PM Zoolander and our illustrious premier.

Yes, folks, I am thinking that a run for a seat on council is in MY, oops, YOUR best interests. I am not as crazy as Trump, am a whole lot smarter than Trudeau, and I really dislike anything that starts with N and ends in DP, an obvious choice for your vote, to be sure.

I hope you will find it in your heart to vote for me. I know as I write this, there are those at the county office who have suddenly found God again and are praying that this is a joke. Perhaps…

It is what it is…