It is what it is…

By Marc Chayer

This past week was, in many ways, a watershed of sorts in my family’s world. We went through the week with an eye on the long weekend coming and the break it would present. As well, it also signalled the annual Valentine’s Day ritual.
However, what I did not know was that this time around things would be a little different than in other years. In the past, you see, I would wait until the last minute and then spend the required funds to ensure my wife knew that she is my number one & only.
This is usually followed by a small celebration of my birthday, which follows on the heels of Valentine’s Day. This year though, fate had other plans.
First, as the kids broke for the long weekend, I received a call from my wife. On the surface that is not unusual, but this time it was the tone of her voice that at first alarmed me. Answering the phone, I heard her voice in barely a whisper say, “Guess what?” Feeling as though I was part of some secret spy game, I asked, “What?” She threw the stunner and said, “Your daughter got flowers from a boy today!”
WELL THEN!
My first response was to sit up. My daughter is 11 years old. According to my schedule, which has been meticulously planned, she is not due to get flowers…or anything else from a boy… for another 29 years. She will then be 40, college educated, well employed and wise in the ways of MEN.
While these things ran through my mind and I saw the schedule deteriorate before my eyes, I found solace in the fact that a boy of eleven probably gave her some small weed found in an old garden. This myth was quickly shattered as my wife went on, “She got a whole bouquet from a boy who had them brought to her school as a surprise.”
PANIC!
This was thought out. This was a preplanned event involving a cunning, above average enemy who had launched a surprise attack on the innocence of my daughter and in a bold stroke. It was a well thought out plan and tossed my life’s plan to the wind with no regard. The deed had to be met with a quick and overwhelming response! How do I stop this?
I will not be outsmarted or outmaneuvered by a kid in Grade 6!
I got home to find a very excited girl show me her flowers. It was worse than I thought. They were really nice flowers! WAIT, WHAT?
This is not possible. She was just in diapers! I look to mom for a reaction, wisdom, something…nothing, nada. Dad is on his own. So in keeping with what any dad would do, I grounded my daughter until she is 35, called the school and told them she is dropping out, disconnected the Internet, cancelled the cell phones and once that was done, put a really big lock on her bedroom door with the idea to starve my dog so he gets vicious and attacks anyone who dares come a courtin’.
Okay maybe not. I surrendered to the fact that she is in that world and this will only get worse. Valentine’s Day now includes boys who have an eye for girls. What is scary is I know how they think and apparently my girl is looked in a whole different light by this boy.
The day came, I gave my wife the flowers, told her I love her and like always, my birthday came…and I turned 50!
Man, am I feeling old.
It is what it is…