The not so happy holidays

 

By Nerissa McNaughton

What to do and where to turn when the holidays mean stress and sadness instead of joy

 

It’s the time of year when everywhere you turn, you are beset by holiday cheer. Christmas music is on the radio and in stores, holiday specials are running amok on TV, you can’t pass a hall that isn’t decked, and you can’t avoid the rows of homes that are dripping in lights and sparkles. It’s the magical time of joy, peace, family and happiness, right? Not for everyone.

Holiday humbugs

The holiday season “demands” that we all feel the warmth, love and joy of mankind, that we celebrate a tradition, and that we join our families together, putting aside any thought of malice while we frolic in punch bowls of good will. However, this is not the reality for many, many people; and the forced cheer of the season makes those people’s stress and depression even worse.

Common reasons to dread the season

Do you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios?

• You are grieving the loss of a loved one and dread the family gathering because they won’t be there.

 

• Money is tight. Your bank balance is much shorter than the list of gifts you feel obligated to buy.

 

• Family tensions are high and gathering where alcohol is flowing isn’t going help.

 

• You are reeling from a sudden change: divorce, breakup, job loss, etc.

 

• You suffer from mental illness. The chaos and demands of the season makes you want to hide, not be social.

 

What to do when the holiday spirit has passed you by

First and foremost, you have to be honest with yourself and what you need to survive the holidays. It won’t be easy, but ask yourself if a frank and honest discussion with your friends and family will help.

“Money is tight right now, I’d really appreciate it if we only bought for the kids in the family, or did a name draw.”

“I’m feeling overwhelmed. Instead of going to the Christmas party, let’s have a quiet coffee together.”

“We’ve been estranged as a family for years. Do we really need to get together or is that time better served with our friends?”

“I’m working on my mental/physical health. Please don’t ask me to drink at the party. And please understand that I may leave early. It’s not personal.”

These are words that will help you clarify your position, and get you what you need.

Secondly, don’t do anything that will harm yourself or others. Getting rip roaring drunk to forget your loneliness will cost you in more ways than one. Ignoring calls from your mother because you don’t want to go to her house for Christmas dinner is going to cause hurt feelings. Calling up your ex because you are lonely could push them further away.

Finally, express your version of the holidays in healthy ways. Alone? Volunteer to serve dinner at a shelter. Estranged from the family? I bet a friend or two would love to have you at their table. Broke? Can you bake, knit, sew, write or craft something? Handmade gifts are the best! Depressed? Seek help. Talk to a therapist. There is no need to suffer when mental health conditions are widely recognized as real and treatable.

Solutions Right Here in Whitecourt!

If the holidays have you feeling less than merry, here are some things you can do in Whitecourt.

• Enjoy a Christmas-themed dinner at Eagle River Casino. It’s a convenient way to have a family gathering where everyone splits the check and nobody has to clean up. These dinners run every Friday in December, so you can plan a time that works for everyone (or go twice), and there is music too, so everyone has something besides a family rift to focus on.

 

• Food bank donations can be used in lieu of transit fare on Saturdays during December. Each donation is good for a one way trip. Double the impact by making a trip to the food bank for some volunteer hours. Helping others makes you feel good too!

 

• Check out Whitecourt Seniors Circle for activities, new friends and volunteer opportunities.

 

• Depressed? Dial 1-877-303-2642 anytime (open 24/7) for confidential help or crisis intervention.

 

Have the holiday season you need to have

You can’t stop Christmas, but you can take ownership of what you need from the holiday season. When it’s a not so happy holiday, assertively speak up for what you need, take action, volunteer, make new friends or get help. There is more than one way to celebrate the season, and the best way is to make sure you are taking care of you.