The science of being mean

By Rechell McDonald
Is there really a science behind why people are mean? Not exactly, but there is a logical premise for it. This topic is of particular importance this time of year as we inevitably are faced with stories of cruelty regarding poisoned Halloween candy – or worse, booby-trapped candy. For decades, each year, there are a couple of stories that surface about razor blades in treat bags, and we all wonder – why would someone do that to a child?
Essentially, we are all mean in some way. Some people express it more regularly than others, and some people are better at reigning in the desire. At the end of the day, however, we all carry the potential. Whether you express it by calling someone names, trolling online debates and attacking people online, or physically hurting a person directly or indirectly, it all comes from the same place: fear.
Generally speaking we’ve all been hurt in the past. Either emotionally or physically, our past experiences with hurt and pain make us capable of inflicting it on others. When do we hurt others? People tend to lash out at times when they fear they have lost, or are losing, control of something. You may call someone a name or strike them when you feel you are losing an argument, or you may do something extreme like booby trap a Halloween candy out of a fear that you may not have children of your own, or because when you were a child you were bullied – there are a million scenarios that could apply – but none of these excuse the behaviour.
Not being mean is far more challenging than being mean. Controlling our emotions, and not being afraid of losing control of a situation are hard mountains to climb for most people. It takes patience and an active, conscious effort to change your hardwired desire to be mean in any given situation. It really is a self-defense mechanism even if, in some cases, the reason for feeling like you need to defend yourself is convoluted. We are complicated creatures, and the only way to change is to want to change, and actively making that happen.